So, suppose the military or the CIA capture an Al Qaeda kingpin who has knowledge of a forthcoming suicide bomb attack that will kill thousands of Americans. We know that Bam-Bam has ruled out waterboarding, face-grabbing, sleep deprivation, prolonged standing, "caterpillaring" and any other coercive means of interrogation. What else is left?
- Saying "Please."
- Saying "Pretty Please."
- Saying "Pretty Please with Sugar on it."
- A promise of immunity from prosecution. (Yeah, that'll work on a fanatical jihadist.)
- Saying, "I'll be your friend." (But only if you really mean it.)
- Offering to let him play with a puppy. (Oh, wait, dogs are haram.)
- Making big sad Puss 'n' Boots from Shrek eyes.
- Promising he won't be sent to Gitmo... oh, wait, Gitmo's closed.
- Promising him comfortable prison accommodations... oh, wait, he has to get those anyway.
- Offering him tickets to Seussical.
Thousands will die, but smug liberals will still be proud of themselves for not putting a terrorist in a cell with a caterpillar or slapping him lightly around the face.
Isn't liberal piety worth a few thousand corpses of innocent people?